A World Which Is Not My Own
by my-midnight-love16
Summary: Bad Girl Isabella Swan , is forced to move to Forks Washington by her parents . Will her unruly behaviour continue or can someone change it ? AU , OCC M for Language and Drug Use .
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. **

BPOV

I arrived at school to quickly for my liking_,_ usually the first day of school was not a big deal for me, but attending

a new school in a new country was a very big deal. I mean I wasn't nervous, I was... I don't even know what I was.

I decided to sit in my car until more students arrived , hopefully I could blend in and no one would notice me , what am

I thinking this is Forks everyone probably already knew that I was coming today . I turned my music up louder hopefully I

could drown out my own thoughts

..._on the __floor , a bad girl ,no one's watching as you slow move to the rhythm of this sweet sound, booming __through the radio. _

I let my mind wander to a place that I fought so hard to lock away .

**Knock, knock;** What the fu... I rolled down my window and stared in the eyes of a puppy dog

"Hey there pretty lady you must be Isabella Swan " You have got to be kidding me.

"My names Mike Newton "

"Bella " I said harshly.

He looked so confused I had to force myself not to laugh .

"Um what?",

" I prefer Bella, not Isabella." I said a little more politely.

"Oh ok, so Bella what class do you have first " was he trying to hit on me, he didn't even know me!. I got out of

my car and stood in front of Mike I actually expected his reaction, not to be vain but I knew I looked hot .

His mouth hanging open eyes wide , I am surprised there wasn't any drool .

"WoooW " he actually dragged out the oooo. I was wearing my white leather jacket with a blue camisole that

had a deep V neck and my favourite skinny jeans . I had my Louis Vuitton sun glasses on and a pair of black pumps

with a bow that tied in the back.

"Ancient History "I said

"Me too! Can I walk you to class?"

"No thanks I think I can find it on my own." It's not like Forks High School was that big, I mean compared to my

last school it's rather small. I was now faced with the horrid task of walking into the school , quite possibly the most

difficult part 'Now or never, just strut in there like you own the place ' that was my mantra as I walked into Forks high.

The second I walked in all eyes were fixed on me , I felt rather self conscious and had to force myself not turn around and

run right back out . When I say everyone was staring at me I mean EVERYONE even teachers, was there something on my face ?

I heard some girl with pretty black hair say something to her friend and understood why they were staring at me.

"Look how's she dressed, that outfit must have cost a fortune. "

"Those sun glasses cost more than my parents make in a week" The comments just kept on coming , well looks like a

good first impression went out the window . It obvious that I am going to be knowen as the daddy's girl

"Her car costs more than my house!"

"Is she a new Cullen?" I wonder who the Cullen's are, actually it doesn't matter anyway , I don't plan on making

friends here , I just want to serve my time and get out of here . I walked into ancient history, the teachers name

was Mrs. Sarty, she seemed nice enough just by the ever so pronounced smile on her face .

"Welcome to my class I guarantee you this class will be not be dull, it will not be easy either! Now let's start with t

he seating plan " she stated this matter of factly .

"Tyler Evens and Rachel Peters, Mike Newton and Lauren Stanley, Allison Bragg and Karle Simon, Alice Cullen and Isabella Swan."

So I was sitting next to a girl named Alice, that doesn't sound too bad . Over bounced a small pixie like girl with

spiky hair the first thing I noticed were her beautiful topaz eyes the second thing I noticed were her Gucci sunglasses ,

the exact same ones that I just bought , perched atop her head ,

"Hey there I 'm Alice Cullen, it's nice to meet you Isabella ". Before I could correct the "Isabella "she burst out with an OH MY GOD!!

" It that a Channel Bag , are those Louis Vuitton Sun Glasses is that a Rolex ,do you own the Alfa 8c Spider ?" She bombarded me with after question.

"Um yes to all of the above and I prefer Bella not Isabella."

"Wow Bella , that's amazing I am glad that there is finally someone in forks that cares about fashion as much as my sister Rose

and myself , we have to go shopping together sometime !"

"That sounds great ." I said with as much charisma as I could muster , I had a feeling that if I had of said no that she never

would have ever talked to me again and somehow I think that in the future I might grow to regret my decision to say yes to

shopping with Alice Cullen .

"So Bella, where are you from ?"

"Canada ."

"Sweet deals , where did you go to school ?"

"Isle Madame Private School"

"Canada has private schools ?" Alice asked rather shocked

"Yah they do, in fact there right up there when it comes to private educational institutes ." I said while chuckling

"You learn something new every day.So what brings you to Forks , Washington ?" she asked in a business like tone

There it is the question I have been dreading . Well Alice I am a straight A student and former ballet dancer who got kicked out of every private school in

Canada ,for breaking the rules and well theres the certain problem of me abusing illegal stubances .

So my parents decided that I needed to be disciplined , so instead of sending me to boarding school , which has failed in the past ,

they decided to isolate our family , or me in particular , to the disaster of that which is forks , after all I can't get into any trouble hear ,can I ?

"My parents found amazing jobs in Seattle ,so we decided to move here instead of the big city , the commute is not that bad and we found a beautiful house

outside of town " I figured a lie would be easier than the truth , much less complicated .

"What do your parents do ?" for someone so little she sure is full of questions

" My Dad is a Surgeon and My Mom is the new State Prosecutor , they can pretty much work anywhere they want ."

"That's pretty cool , and by the way I L-O-V-E , love you car it's so fetch ." Fetch well that's a new one .

"Thanks , you should see my other car tho , I like it better but Dad says it's to flashy for Forks ."

"What kind of Car is it ?"

" A 430 SCUDERIA Ferrari . " Her mouth dropped open and she stared at me , it was funny to see Alice gawking at me like I had three heads .

"Rose and Emmet are going to love you!" she pretty much yelled this and the whole class was now staring at us .

"Sorry "Alice said quietly .

"Who's Emmet ?" I whispered to her

"My Brother and Roses Boyfriend." Now it was my time to stare , I thought that Rose was her sister and now Emmet's her brother ,

um wow I knew the town was small I just didn't think it was THAT small. She must have guessed that I thought something was up

by my expression which was now a mix of horror and confusion .

"No , it's not like that " she began laughing " were all adopted , Emmet , Jasper , Rose ,Edward and

myself , we live with Esme and Carsile our adopted parents . Jasper and Rose are twins, Emmet, Edward

and myself are siblings. Rose and Emmet are together and Jasper and myself are together ."

" Oh , I see." That is rather strange , but then again this is forks .

"What about Edward , who is he with." I asked

"No one." she said this very sadly

"Oh " that is all I could manage to say .

The bell rang and we parted ways , now I was off to Spanish , this I going to be one interesting day !

**AN. So I went over the chapter and changed some things up , I hope it's better now ! Thanks for the patience. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer – sadly I do not own twilight or any of its characters, they belong to Stephanie Meyer**.

The next few classes passed very uneventfully, before I knew it was lunch time. I wasn't in the mood

for cafeteria food so I decided to head to the nearest fast food joint. I had to walk through the caf to get

outside .As I was walking out to my car I noticed two things, one my car was not the only shiny one in

the parking lot and two leaning up against that shiny Volvo was the most perfect creature I had ever

seen. He had perfect bronze hair that fell over his eyes in a way that should have be illegal, his eyes

were the most irresistible shade of topaz, I felt like I was drowning. His skin was so pale, almost

translucent, it only added to his beauty.

We made eye contact for a split second and in that second I felt a jolt of electricity run through my

entire being. I have never felt this way before, but what way is it? Fear, curiosity, a cocktail of

emotions were running thought my mind all this was washed away the second I walked by him and

dared a peak, his face was twisted in revulsion and his fists were clenched. I don't understand what I

did, why is he repulsed by me? An old all be it familiar feeling was over taking my body. Want,

want for that one thing that would make by life feel complete, make everything perfect if only for a

short time. My mind was running a miss, as I left the parking lot, all of a sudden all of the cravings,

urges come running back after I fought so hard to resist, I need to get away if only for a little while . I

floored the gas and took off not knowing where I was going. All I could think about was my first time...

_A confused young girl looked in the eyes of her best friend, "Just try" she said "it can't do you any _

_harm, I promise. You won't get addicted, that stuff never happens ". If only she had of known what that _

_one little pill could do to her, what it would do to her life ._

I need to escape, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata was playing, I was trying to focus, trying to relax. It

wasn't working .The need , for air , the need for a cure to make the pain go away was pulsing through

my body. The need, the urge, the thing that I have fought against numerous times, I can overcome it,

I can. I was back at school now, how I got here I am not sure of, all I know at this moment it that I

need to keep my mind occupied . My cure for now is going to have to be knowledge, as lame as that

sounds . Quickly I got out of my car and headed off to IB Biology.

IB Biology is for those that wished to have a future in the Medical Field, it focuses on all topics that will

be covered in the MCATS. I don't know what kind of doctor I want to be, but I do know that I want to

help people , and this class will help me. I found Bio with little trouble and walked in to

see a rather small class only about 6 students, including myself . I scanned the faces to see if there was

anyone that I knew, that's when it happened again, the shock running through my body I looked again

only to be faced with the eyes _his _eyes .l made my way to the back of the class room to tell the teacher

I was here . His little name plate said Mr Banner, he greeted me with a friendly smile and told me to sit

next to Edward . The only question was, " who is Edward I asked "? He pointed to_ him_ , my breath left

my lungs in an instant .

" This is going to work out perfectly , an even number , 3 boys and 3 girls . Wonderful!" Mr. Banner said

I made my way over to where Edward was sitting and took my place it was a rather large table but his

books were spread over the entire table . I wasn't sure whether I should move them myself or ask him

too . All of a sudden a pale arm with long white fingers stretched out in front of me . Oh the things

those fingers could do . STOP IT BELLA, snap out of it . I dared another look at him and this time his eyes

were pitch black , he managed a forced friendly smile and a silent _sorry . _He was seated as far away as

humanly possible and then some . I decided to try my best and pay attention to the teachers lecture .

"This course is brand new to this school , actually it's brand new to this state . They have decided to

start to train their doctors more thro and what better way to start than in high school . Now bare in

mind this course is only for those people who are serious about becoming doctors , now if there is any

body in here that is just hear for the time off school , please leave now ". Mr Banner stated this , the boy

and girl that were seated to the left of me actually got up and left , I couldn't believe it . There was only

4 people left in my class . A girl with quite large glasses , a boy with a little too much acne , myself and

Edward .

"Now we can continue , the person whom you are sitting with will be your lab partner , field partner and

travel partner , NO exceptions . You will be spending a large amount of time with this person so you

better learn to like them ."

What the fuck am I going to do I can't spend all my time with Edward , I mean he hates me I can tell by

the look of his eyes . I looked at Edward and noticed immediately that he looked furious . He unleashed

the full force of his gaze on me and I felt like I was going to cry from the hatred pouring from his body .

" We will be covering a large amount of information , throughout the year including Human Biology ,

General Biology , Cell Biology , Genetics , Biochemistry and everyone's favourite anatomy . Any

Questions ?" The only other boy raised his hand , "Yes Eric. " Mr Banner said

"Um sir are you sure that we can't change partners , cause there is someone in here that I would rather

be with ." Eric stated giving me a wink . My mouth dropped open and I heard a chuckle come from next

to me . I turned and gave Edward the most hate filled look I could manage .He looked at me and had a

confused no a hurt look on his face . This boy is maddening , one minute he hates me the next he is hurt

cause I look at him angry , maybe he's bi polar ?

Bio ended rather quickly even though it was two hours .

"In case you forgot , tomorrow is Wednesday which means it's your first day of placement at the

hospital. I will meet you all at the emergency room at 12:30 noon , please don't be late ." Mr Banner

added as we went out the door. Great , just great this day can't get any worse . I looked down at my

schedule , finally something was starting to look up .I had one of my favourite classes last , gym .

I walked in and noticed some familiar faces , one of which was the little pixy girl named Alice , I was

actually happy to see her .As soon as she noticed my presence she bounced over to me .

" Bella , I am SOOOOO happy to see you , I thought I was the only girl here , that would have been

dreadful . Come on we need to go get changed , were playing soccer ." she said all of this in one breath ,

I didn't bother protesting , I felt there was no use .

"So Bella how has your day been going ?"

"Not to bad , I really don't mind the school and I like all of my classes . How was your day ?"

"Very nice . I didn't see you at lunch , where did you eat ?"

"Girls , get out here now ." The gym teacher stated

" Come on Alice lets go "

" Glad to see you finally joined us girls. My name is Mr Callaway , I will be your gym teacher this year ."

Mr Callaway was young , very young and completely and utterly sexy . Now I was not usually one of the

girls that fell over cute teachers , but dam I wonder if I fell , would he catch me ? Alice noticed my stare

and you pleasantly stated

" Take a picture it will last longer " I could have actually killed her right there .

" Today were going to be playing soccer , now we have an uneven number so we could have odd

number teams , or one of you can sit out ." He glanced over at Alice and myself , hell no I am playing I

love this game , Alice looked at me and then Mr Callaway and very gracefully glided to the benches and

sat down .

"Now let's pick teams , Newton and Cullen , captains , everyone else line up ."

Hold on , wait did he just say Cullen , I thought Alice sat down , I looked up from my daze to see Edward

stride up to the center of the gym . Then it dawned on me , Alice has a brother named Edward , they

both have the same last name . OMG Edward is Alice's Brother , what the fuck .

Ok Cullen Pick First , He contemplated for a second and then said something that , took me off guard .

" I pick Bella ." I wasn't the only one staring at him now , he earned a gaze from every other person in

the gym class including the teacher .

I walked up carefully and stood next to Edward , this time he gave me a smile that wasn't forced , it was

beautiful and crooked it reached all the way up to his eyes .Just like that the smile disappeared and

Edward looked directly at Mr Callaway and glared , why was he doing this ? Boys are so confusing.

Edward kept skipping his turn picking and giving it to Mike , by the end of it there was only three people

on our team .Edward , myself and some very muscular boy named Emmett .

" Cullen are you sure you don't want more players , Mike almost has the whole boys soccer team on his

side . The odds are hardly fair ."

"I happen to like the odds ." Edward stated and clenched his fists . Yup definitely bi polar.

Mr Callaway walked over to a stereo system and pressed some buttons and music started to blare form

the speakers . I recognized the song instantly it was love me dead by ludo .

"Alight first to 8 wins , Cullen's team skins , Newton's team shirts , Alice , please keep score ."

This has got to be some sort of a joke , skins ? I looked at Mr Callaway , he just smirked , ok maybe he's

not so cute after all. Quickly took off my shirt , leaving me in my black sports bra . Thank heavens Alice

convinced me to put one on ! The ball dropped and the song change , All around me by flyleaf was now

blaring . Emmett was in nets and Edward and I were everything else . Edward passed the ball to me and

just as quick was taken away by mike . I could feel the anger rising in my veins I took after him and

skidded in front of him when he tried to score I kicked the ball to Edward , and he took off only to have it

stolen from him by some other guy . I could see the anger in Edwards eyes , he looked ready to kill . I

turned around only to notice that the other team scored and it was now one nothing .

We were about ten minutes into the game and the score was five nothing . I couldn't take it anymore,

Newton's team was winning and I wasn't letting that happen . Mike was charging up the field full force,

so I did the only thing I could , I pushed Edward out of the way and charged mike , I crossed over and

stole the ball , his face was priceless , I continued to manoeuvre my way down the gym to the goal and

with one final kick , smashed the ball into the net and scored . I started to walk down the gym when all

of a sudden I was lifted off the floor by a strong pair of arms and spun around when I was settled down, I

realized that those arms belonged to Emmett and he was grinning from ear to ear .

" Great shot Bells , now make seven more just like it ." Emmett said adding a pat on the head to top it

off . Mikes team looked quit pissed . This time Eric , aka wink boy was the one making his way down the

gym and I did the same thing as before , only to be met by the strong shoulder of Mike , he knocked me

right off my feel and the air out of my lungs . I laid there for about five seconds before I felt a pair of

strong arms lit me up .

" Bella , are you alright ... Bella look at me " Edward said , I just couldn't get over the fact that he was

touching me , his sent over took all of my scenes and made me dizzy , I had to end this now I pushed

Edward away a little to forcefully and made him stumble a bit .

" Yah , I'm fine , lets continue ."

" Are you sure ?"

" Yes Edward , I'm sure ." Note to self say Edwards name more often because it feels amazing!

We continued on and before I knew it the score was tied 7 , 7 there was only 30 seconds like and we

had time for one more play . Mikes team began down the field with the ball and dashed past Edward ,

and almost past me but I was not letting him win . In one quick movement I crossed over and elbowed

Mike right in the gut , I am pretty sure it hurt me more then it hurt him but it did the trick .It made him

loose his focus long enough for Emmet to rush from the net and bolt down the field , and score .

Emmett strides back with a wide grin on his face .

" I couldn't let you guys have all the fun !" He said proudly

Edward and I just shook our heads , the next thing I knew there was something cold and small clinging

around my neck .

" Bella , Bella that was amazing you were great , I didn't know you could play , wow what else can you

do ?" Alice said cheerfully

" And what about us Alice , are we chopped meat ?" Edward said in mock irritation .

" You guys were good to , but Bella was better. So Bella you didn't answer my question , do you play any

other sports ?"

" Well yah , I love all sports and I use to ballet dance ."

"Why don't you dance anymore ?" this time it was Edward asking . I really didn't want to explain the full

story so I just gave them the user friendly version . " I lost interest in it ."

Edward looked at me like he knew I was lying , but he let it go anyway .

" Well , looks like we have a winning team here , what do you say to keeping the teams the same for the

rest of the year ?" Mr Callaway asked .

We all exchanged glances and answered in unison " sure ".

" Alright then , how about basketball tomorrow ?" the teacher asked .

Emmett was the first to answer " Hell yah "

" Well actually Bella and myself will not be here tomorrow , it's our first day of placement at the

hospital." Edward answered .

"Oh really , you both are in IB Biology , that's interesting ." Mr Callaway said the last part as he checked

me out . That's really going to get old .

" Come on Bella Carry me to the locker room to get changed ." I didn't dare argue with Alice .

Once we were in the locker room I set Alice down and watched her dance gracefully over to her locker , I

trudged over to my locker and threw on a sweat shirt and sweat pants . I sat down and put my head in

my hands as I thought about the day and everything that happened . Suddenly I heard Alice squeal with

excitement , I really didn't want to look up but when I felt her sit down next to me I felt it necessary .

" OMG , Bella did you hear that we have to go shopping and you are totally getting ready with Rose and

Me ,this is going to be so much fun !" Alice practically screamed the last part

" What's going to be fun Alice ?"

"Weren't you paying any attention to the announcements?"

" Actually I didn't even notice them come on , what did they say ?"

" Mostly junk , but she did say something very crucial to life ."

"And what would that be ?"

"That there's a dance this Friday !!" by this point she was jumping up and down clapping her hands .

" Alice I really don't like dances , I don't think I am going to go ."

For the first time in my life I can say that I was truly scared , the glare Alice was giving me could peal

paint off a wall.

" Well maybe I could make an exception ." Her glared changed to a smile just as the bell rang .

"Great , tomorrow after school we can head to the mall ." Alice stated .

"Sure that sounds great, see you tomorrow ."

This was certainly an interesting first day . I can't wait to get home . I made my way out to the parking

lot and noticed Edward , Emmett and some other guy looking at my car . I hit the unlock button on my

keys and continued to walk over .I earned quite a envious look from Emmett and the other boy where as

Edward's look was back to pure hatred. I ducked around the three and got in to my car and threw a

thanks over my shoulder to Emmett who complimented my car I cranked the stereo as soon as I was

out of the parking lot and speeding away down the road . A familiar song came on that brought back

memories I have locked away for so long , I decided against changing it , I knew I deserved to suffer , it

was as much my fault as hers .

**AN so here is the update, I really believe that this chapter is better than the first, which by the way is**

**going to be fixed shortly and changed a bit , nothing serious just a few grammar tweaks and such , I **

**hope you enjoy ! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I Do Not Own Twilight or Any Of the characters they belong to the Genius SM.**

I made it home just in time to break down, who knew one song could bring back so many unwanted

memories. I figured there was no use trying to fight it now so I just gave in . I went over to my stereo

and put that song on , the one that made everything come rushing back , the one that made everything

worse. The music started and my tears were coming freely , the pain was ripping me apart from the

inside . I thought back to that day , the one that ruined my life .

_There beautiful , they're going to go far in this world , they dance like angels. Just some of the_

_compliments the girls received .Bella and Nicole looked each other in the eyes as they finished their_

_dance , they twirled around gracefully and always perfectly in sync and bowed to the crowd of over a_

_thousand . Applause filled the auditorium and there smiles matched exactly as did their eyes , many _

_thought the girls to be sisters , they had different parents , but in every sense they were sisters . They _

_walked, no they glided off stage , turned left and went into their dressing room . They hugged _

_immediately .Nicole was the first to break the hug._

"_How about we celebrate" she said holding up a small baggie containing four white pills ._

" _Again Nicole , we already did two hits before we went on stage don't you think that's enough ?" _

_Bella asked . _

" _Come on Bella we deserve it , we killed it out there . If fact we shoo ins for Julliard , or maybe ever The _

_American Ballet Academy." _

_Bella thought for a second and then walked over to her friends out stretched hand and took two pills _

_and popped them in her mouth , then proceed to put the other two in Nicole's mouth ._

" _Best friends forever." Bella said ._

"_Best friends forever." Nicole said. _

I awoke from my night mare , and stared at the clock 4:38 am , no sense in trying to sleep now . I walked

over to my bathroom and stared in the mirror , what little make up I had on was smeared down my face

and my eyes were red and puffy . Crying yourself to sleep dose that to you , I have plenty of experience

with that . I decided a morning run would calm me down ,I threw on my black shirt that , ironic enough ,

had happy in bright colours printed on it and a pink smile just under the writing and a pair of grey

sweats . I walked down stairs and went out the door ,the sky was just starting to light up and you could

make out the grey clouds above , I didn't expect to see sunny skies because after all it is forks , the

rainiest place in the USA. I started out walking , than worked up to a slow jog and tried to concentrate

on something relaxing .I could hear my feet hitting the ground in an hypnotic tempo , this tempo oddly

enough soothed away all my worries , for the first time in a long time I felt calm , I felt in control .

Maybe my parents had a point exiling me here , it was a good place to gather myself and look at my life.

Plus there probably wasn't a good drug dealer with in a hundred mile radius of this place . I shook my

head at that thought the old Bella would say that , the new one shouldn't . But then again who is

Isabella Swan ,who am I . I knew at one point in my life , I had it all mapped out , everything was perfect,

well everything appeared to be perfect , that's the better term . It only took one thing , one event to

ruin my life , to destroy everything I worked so hard for. No , I can't think that way , where's my

hypnotic tempo, I should have grabbed my iPod maybe that would have helped more . I tried to find my

rhythm again but I just couldn't settle into a good pace . I stopped to catch my breath , and I noticed

something , there was another set of footsteps hitting the gravel at the side of the road , this person had

my tempo , my relaxing one . I didn't bother to look back to see who it was , personally I didn't care , I

listened intently and followed there pace and found my quite again . I don't know how long we ran like

this , it felt like minutes yet hours at the same time , I noticed my pace slowing , so that meant my

mysterious follower's pace was slowing as well , we slowed to a walking pace than to nothing . I turned

around and came face to face with my follower , it was none other than Edward Cullen . He looked me

in the eyes and I noticed that his were the most beautiful shade of topaz I have ever seen , his face

looked caring and concerned . He started to walk closer to me until we were about an arm's length

distance apart . This was the first time I realized I was crying , for how long I can't be sure of but

now the tears were falling almost as freely as they were last night . I felt like a fool , I hardly knew this

boy , and for a fact I am pretty sure that he hates me, and I am crying in front of him . I started to step

back and to my surprise he matched my movements , never breaking eye contact . I felt that urge

over come my body , and immediately the tears stopped and I knew what I had to do to stop this , I

stepped past Edward and ran , as fast and as hard as I could .Every muscle in my body was protesting the

sudden speed , I continued on , it was then that I realized just how far we ran , I pushed my body harder

and was struggling to breath , each gasp felt like I was swallowing knives . Finally I could see my drive

way , I turned and ran the hardest I have ever to the house and went up the stairs .Everything was

spinning by the time I made it up to my room .I collapsed and struggled for every breath until I calmed

myself . My heart was still racing when I went to the bathroom and took a shower . I got out and

noticed the time 7:13 am , still plenty of it to get ready for school I went to my closet and grabbed

two sets of clothes one set for school the other for the placement at the hospital . I also grabbed a bra

and boy shorts , today however I felt the needed to swap my regular wear for something a little more

risqué . I walked out of my closet and grabbed my blue half top that had buttons on the front and put it

on , I slipped into my faded skinny jeans with a pair of black peep toe heals . I finished

off with a little eye liner, and cover up to hide the circles under my eyes . I decided to leave my hair the

way it was, a mess of curls cascading down my back . I didn't wear a tank under the half top so I had a

fair bit of skin showing , my jeans fit perfectly on my hips so I didn't dare to wear a belt . I walked down

to the kitchen and said hi to Maria my cook . I skipped breakfast and headed to the garage. Mark the

mechanic was nowhere in sight so I decided to take my favourite car to school today , my Ferrari .I

could care less if it was to flashy for forks . I grabbed the keys off the peg board and headed for my

car. I took my time going to school cause I was early , I arrived and there was only a few cars in the

parking lot . I got out and started to head to my first class when I heard the unmistakeable voice of

Alice, calling my name . I turned and noticed that she wasn't alone she was with a tall , beautiful blonde

girl , and the same boy I notice looking at my car yesterday . As soon as they were close enough Alice

jumped at me ,almost knocking me off my feet , and hugged me .

" Bella , I would like you to meet Rose , and Jasper Hale , Rose is my sister and Jasper is my boyfriend."

I was shocked for a moment , and then I realized that they were all adopted .

I smiled and waved hi to them both "It's nice to finally put a face to the name , Alice here talks nonstop

about you Bella ." Rose said

" I hope nothing bad ." I said

" Of course not , only good ." we all shared a laugh at this.

Alice and I broke apart and headed off to our first class together , we were very early so I decided to

start a conversation with Alice , but she beat me to it .

" So I heard you ran into Edward this morning." She said

**AN . Thanks to everyone for the reviews , I am so glad that you are enjoying the story , I am going to **

**update every day that I can . Also I was thinking of doing 'A world which is not my own ' in Edwards **

**POV and calling it "Breaking at The Seams ". If you like that idea let me know and I will start asap .**

**Love Always Penney :)**


	4. Authors Note

**Authors Note**

**Hey first of all I will be updating in like 10 minutes , but I am kind of having a crisis and it is this**

**I have two chapter written the first one Bella explains how she seen Edward when running , goes to the hospital for placement , than shopping with Alice**

**The second one however is very different Bella explains running , the hospital placement but she doesn't end up going shopping with Alice cause she has a little **

**run in of the ****passionate kind with Edward ( not a lemon ) and something is revealed . now the big question is it to early for Edward and Bella to realize that **

**they have ****feeling for ****each other ?**

**All I want is at least one answer and then I will update !**

**Please don't kill me because of the authors note , I promise there will never be another** **one !!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer. I do not own any of the characters, they belong to SM **

"Really, who did you hear that from?" I asked shocked

"Edward of course."

"What did he say?" I asked wondering if my act was soon to be revealed.

"Just some stuff about how he was running and seen you, nothing big."

"Oh." That's all I could manage to say.

"So what do you think of my brother?" Alice asked

"He's ok I guess, I really haven't gotten to know him." Nor did I particularly want to.

"Well you will have plenty of time to get to know him, considering your both in IB Bio. The two of you

will practically be living together." O joy spending all my time with Edward, what fun it will be.

"By the way you look quite sexy today, may I ask the occasion." Alice asked with an evil glint in her

eye.

"No reason really, I just felt like wearing this shirt."

"Well I really like it, and by the looks your getting so does the male half of the student population. "

Alice said while laughing.

"You should sit with us at lunch today!!"

"I can't today Alice I have to be at the hospital at 12:30 and I still have to go home and change. Maybe

some other time."

"Defiantly, were still going shopping tonight right?" Alice asked me. Until now I had completely

forgotten about shopping and honestly I wasn't in the mood to go tonight. I looked over to Alice to tell

her I had other plans and noticed her giving me the 'puppy dog' eyes. Usually I wouldn't fall for

that trick, but on Alice, you just couldn't say no.

"Sure, why not. I am done at the hospital at 5 so I'll meet you at the mall at around 5:30."

"Sounds great!" Alice replied enthusiastically, and with that the bell rang.

The rest of the morning flew by and before I knew it I was walking out to my car at lunch. I heard the

voices of two people fighting, a boy and a girl to be more specific, probably a lovers' quarrel. I looked

over and seen Rose yelling at Edward.

"Hell NO! I am not walking home, you're just going to have to find some other way to the hospital.

"Rose, you knew this morning when you got in the car that I would be leaving at lunch, it's your own

fault you should have brought your car." Edward replied back.

"No, I am not walking home, if you don't leave me those keys Edward Cullen I'll tell Mom what you did

to her leather sofa." I was slightly frightened by the amount of anger in Roses voice.

"You wouldn't." Edward had his fists balled up into tight fists and hissed the words through clenched

teeth.

"Wanna bet." As Rose uttered her threat she flipped open her cell phone and began to dial.

"FINE! Take the fucking keys Rose, I'll walk to the hospital."

"No you won't Edward." Alice replied, wait Alice where did she come from?

"Well than how shall I get there Alice?" Edward asked, irritation still present in his tone

"You can go with Bella, she's meeting Rose and I at the mall later, so you can get your car then." Alice

looked over to me and winked, why the hell was she winking at me? Edward also looked over to me,

I met his gaze, managed a weak smile and turned away.

"That sounds alright to me if it's ok with Bella."

"Of course it's ok with Bella, right?" Alice asked

"Sure, it's no problem at all. I need to go home and change first if that's alright."

"That's fine with me, let's get going "Edward smiled a beautiful crooked smile, his smile and waved good

bye to Rose and Alice. Well he waved to Alice, when it came to Rose her wave was missing a couple of

fingers.

"You have a very nice car, actually you have two very nice cars, I am quite jealous."

"Thanks." I muttered in a nervous tone.

The drive to my house was quick and quite. I invited Edward in the house and ran up the stairs to

change. A few minutes later I was ready to go .I walked down the stairs slowly I really didn't want to trip

in front of Edward .

"Ready?" I asked

"Always." He replied,

The ride to the hospital was short and yet again quite, the need for conversation was just not there.

When we arrived we were given a tour and received a lecture on emergency room

management. I really enjoyed the day, I was, however, not looking forward to shopping. We walked

out of the hospital and a brilliant idea crossed my mind.

"Hey Edward, want to drive?" I dangled the keys in front of him.

"Really?" His eyes lit up like a kids on Christmas

"Really." I said as I tossed him the keys and slid into the passenger's seat. Edward climbed in, still

grinning like a fool. He started the engine of my Aston martin and turned the radio on. _That_ song was

at the same place It was when I shut the engine off yesterday, I suddenly remember why I took my

other car. I leaned back and tried not to listen, the music was just so hypnotic, so soothing, yet

dangerous. I made a mistake, I reached over and turned the song up.

**I let it wash over me,**

I felt the tears coming but I didn't try to stop them I let them fall, I let them rule my life.

The song finally came to an end only to start to play again and again and again.

Edward noticed my state and pulled the car over to the side of the road we were in the middle of

nowhere and it was starting to get dark out.

The song started again and I gave in, **I gave in**.

I remember the steps perfectly, each one complex yet simple.

I climbed out of the car and was glad I decided to change back into my clothes from school at the

hospital. I kicked my heals off and moved to the music,

**each step perfect**,

**each soothingly painful.**

**I felt my heart shatter at the memory, the words to the song forever imprinted in my heart.**

**The memories, all painful, all heartbreaking **

_**All I have left.**_

I noticed Edward staring at me, his eyes were as black as night.

I didn't care, hate, mental illness, I moved over to him gracefully. Pulled him close to my body and

dipped myself down. His reaction surprising was stiff, his fists were clenched, he wasn't moving I don't

even think he was breathing but as the song started over for who knows the time he moved against me

slowly, as if he was testing himself, then he settled on my rhythm pulling me even closer. We moved

perfectly in sync, this was definitely not the same old ballet Nicole and I use to dance, this was more.

This was two people moving together as one, trying to take up as little space as possible by pressing

their bodies tightly together. We moved like this for what felt like hours, but yet it didn't feel long

enough, I let every emotion in my body flood out, every secret, every desire, I let free. I pulled away

only to be pulled right back, pushed up against his skin, he was freezing but it felt as if we were on fire.

I started singing as the song started again.

_I'm so tired, of playing_

_Playing with this bow and arrow_

_Gonna give my heart away_

_Leave it to the other girls to play_

_For I've been a temptress too long_

_Just. ._

Edward pulled me even closer , which felt as if it wasn't possible , he looked in my eyes and I in his , I continued on with the song .

_Give me a reason to love you_

_Give me a reason to be ee, a woman_

_I just wanna be a woman_

_From this time, unchained_

_We're all looking at a different picture_

_Thru this new frame of mind_

_A thousand flowers could bloom_

_Move over, and give us some room_

_Give me a reason to love you_

_Give me a reason to be ee, a woman  
I just wanna be a woman._

"Bella, don't move ok?" Edward asked.

I could only manage to nod my head .

Slowly Edward moved down and gently pressed his lips to mine, I wanted nothing more

than to grab a hold of him and never let go, but for some reason I knew that I had to

behave. Slowly the sweet kiss turned into something more, something _sensual. _Our lips

moved in tune with the music, my self control was almost gone and Edwards was

wavering, the song continued on.

_So don't you stop, being a man_

_Just take a little look from our side when you can_

_Show a little tenderness_

_No matter if you cry  
_

_Give me a reason to love you_

_Give me a reason to be ee, a woman_

_It's all I wanna be is all woman_

_**For this is the beginning of forever and ever.**_

The song ended and so did our self control, before I realized what happened my legs were

wrapped around Edward and I was pressed against the hood of my car. I vaguely

remember someone clearing there throat, at the moment it didn't seem very important. It

wasn't until something was flung into Edwards head, that I realized we were not alone.

Edward only shifted slightly, looked over his left shoulder, and then with an agonized groan

sat up and buried his face in my hair

"We have company." Was all Edward said to me. He lifted me down from the hood and

turned so I could meet whoever interrupted us. I couldn't help but burst into a fit of giggles

as I looked into the faces of his brothers and sisters, they all were trying to hold murderous

glares on their faces, but none succeed especially once I started to laugh. Emmett and

Jasper were right behind me, followed by Rose and finally Alice in erupting into the own fits

"What's so funny?" Edward whispered into my ear.

I tried my best to get out a complete sentence

"Their faces...there priceless." Was all I could muster.

"Own faces are nothing compared to how the two of you look." Emmett replied smugly

"Yeah Bella you look like you exhausted and your clothes and a tad bit twisted." Jasper said

before erupting into another fit of laughter.

Edward looked down at me and, for the first time started to laugh.

"Bella you look." but I cut him off before he could finish.

"I look what Edward, why don't you finish that sentence."

"Hilarious." he choked out

I put on my most hate filled face

"Well Edward I can't look as bad as you do."

He looked up at me and stopped laughing instantly, in fact everyone except for Emmett

stopped.

"Bella, I'm sorry and I didn't mean it like that." Edward quickly choked out.

"Awwww poor Eddie upset his gurl friend, so now he's not gonna get any tonight. "

Emmett said in a girly voice.

"Emmett if you know what's good for you shut up now." Edward hissed .

"If you would excuse me, I have to get home now." I said as I stepped around Edward to open the driver's door.

"Bella, where are you going?" Edward asked confusion and hurt crossing his face.

"Home." was all I could say

**AN. So here it is , I hopped you all like it , it was a very hard chapter to write . It adds a little insight into what happened in Bella's past and reveals the mystery song ' Give me a reason to love you ' I recommend that you listen to it to get the full effect .Also next chapter will contain a huge twist , a surprise visit , the dance and what happened in Bell's past . So instead of updating it tomorrow I will update on Friday with a very lengthy chapter . Until then **

**Xo's Penney **


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer. I do not own Twilight.

BPOV

So maybe I made a mistake, maybe I over reacted. Maybe my life was just doomed to be horrible,

maybe I was forever meant to be addicted. It was now Friday. After I left the Cullen's on the side of the

road I had every intention of going home and crying myself to sleep, but I didn't in fact I didn't even go

home I just drove and drove. I only made one intentionally stop, one which I regret but am grateful for,

I could not openly voice this, but in my mind I already came to terms, **I gave in**. Relief from all my

problems was sitting in my purse, I tried to stop I really did. But you see when you have an addiction, it

becomes your life, it becomes your soul, it becomes you. I don't even remember why I did it, however

I do remember the feeling .The feeling of being high is like taking that first breath after you have been

under water for too long, it lights all your scenes on fire, it makes you feel so free, so numb to the

outside pain. I have no idea where I stopped or when, and I don't remember how the pills got out of

my purse. I just sat there staring at them, trying to figure out whether it was worth it. I didn't have

anything in life right now besides the pain , was it worth it to make the pain go away , was it worth it . If

the pain was my life and I made it go away what would I have ? Happiness, no I am not that lucky, I

would have a numbness that made life more liveable , no survivable and I would have a part of me

back, not the whole part though , that part was forever missing . I would have a part of Nicole back. She

was my life , even with the drugs and partying , she was my anchor and I hers we kept each other

balanced , we completed each other . BFF, best friends forever, if only forever would have lasted

longer. My mind was now made up, ever doubt I had vanished as I took two pills everything else

disappeared quickly after, leaving nothing but numbness .I started to drive home slowly , adjusting to

my familiar state . I arrived home quite quickly, it turned out I was only about four hours from home.

I was met by an empty house, thank heavens I couldn't handle anyone right now. I walked into my

room and looked around , it seems like something is different , like something is off . I ignored the

nagging feeling in my head and opted for a shower , I was in the mood to go out partying tonight , but

where ? I made my way to my bathroom when I noticed something on my desk in a pink box. I realized

what it was almost immediately , I backed away from it like it was going to bite me . How did they get

here who could have done that ? I thought over every possible explanation and just couldn't find one.

I walked closer and noticed a tag attached to it. Not once touching the box I plucked off the tag and

read it aloud _" Bella , I hope these will make up for my behaviour t .Miss you , Edward." _Who the

fuck did he think he was , he had no idea , no right . I lost my temper and tipped over my desk spilling

the contents everywhere . I turned on my heels and decided to get away from here. On my way out I

herd a distinctive ' crunch' and felt a throbbing pain in my foot , I looked down and my heart feel , and

so did tears . The pain was suppose to

be gone not intensified . I reached down and carefully picked up the now broken picture of Nicole and I

before our last performance together , ever .It is so amazing how fast your priorities can change when

you looses someone you love . I thought back to our last day together, our last minutes together,

_Two beautiful ballerinas stood before the panel of judges that would decide their future. They had given_

_the performance of a life time, but was it enough, were they good enough?_

" _Well ladies , you both are trained beautiful , your lines are clean and graceful . You both have incredible _

_Feet, you move together as if you were one, that is very rare to find , perfectly in sync , perfectly . " _

_Stated an older gentleman with a grey beard. Nicole squeezed Bells hand and in turn received a squeeze _

_in response , a silent ' yes ' between the girls ._

" _However , individually you are nothing special , we have seen it a hundred times before and will see it _

_hundred more times ." The air rushed out of both girls lungs, they tensed but their smile never faded , _

_they were frozen in place by fear . "Together, together , two of them ." The grey bearded man kept_

_mumbling to himself , he finally beckoned the other two judges whom remained silent the entire time , _

_to his side to talk .They talked among themselves for what felt like an eternity . Both girls were frozen on _

_the spot , they didn't dare to move . _

_Finally , the older man cleared his throat , but it was a different voice that spoke, a soft , motherly voice._

" _Girls , you have to understand that in A Ballet , the show is only as strong as its weakest dancer and _

_here at ABC we DO NOT accept weak dancers . We do not accept average dancers, we take the best of_

_the best and make them better . You have to understand that taking the both of you would be _

_impractical and poor judgment on our behalf .However just taking one of you would also be poor_

_judgment on part as well , because as Mr Ripley stated separate you individual are weak dancers, but _

_together you are a force that is certainly to reckoned with . Therefore, we have no other choice than_

_to take the both of you , one without the other would simply be a shame. _

_The bond you two girls share in incredible, we are very much looking forward to having you both in our _

_company ." The girls stood there unbelieving what had just happened, they were both , accepted to the_

_American Ballet Company. _

" _You know what this means Bella ?" Nicole stated, Bella couldn't manage words she just simply _

_turned he head to the side to look her sister in the eyes ._

" _We going to live together !" And with that Nicole jumped into Bella's arms and they began spinning _

_around , free as ever , their dreams had come true and they were together , they always would be _

_together ._

_They ran off the stage, Nicole still in Bella's arms . The girls did truly have a bond, one that could never _

_be replaced ._

Bella snapped to reality, she expected to be sad and revert back to her previous state of dry sobs, but

nothing came , no tears , no sadness .

After cleaning up the mess she had made, Bella started to grow antsy and decided that another shower

would help .

Steam quickly filled the bathroom, covering all surfaces, Bella turned to look in the mirror and noticed

something odd and eerie . There was a large hand print on her bathroom mirror, Bella held her hand up

to it and noticed that the fingers were two long to be her own , and the ballet shoes . Bella could only

think of one explanation

" Edward was in my room ," she stared at the hand print in shock , disbelief and confusion .

She turned off the water forgetting the shower and went over to her trash can she tore open

the pink box and gasped when she eyed what was inside . A pair of crimson red ballet slippers, they

appeared to be extremely expensive and she felt guilty for throwing them out . Bella acted on impulse

and sat down on the floor sliding off her socks and putting on the ballet shoes , something she swore

she would never do again because of the pain . There was none just an ever building feeling of

excitement . She looked down at her feet and just stared, they fit perfect and were extremely

comfortable , .

" I can't see the harm in just one little dance , just to test them out ." Bella stated to know one but

herself as if trying to convince her own body to move . Slowly and carefully she took her first steep in

the shoes just walking around to see if anything pinched or pulled, nothing they were perfect .Bella

looked into her wall length mirror and noticed a un familiar face staring back at her . It was a glowing

Bella , someone who looked happy . Bella continued walking around in the shoes for the rest of the

morning , marvelling at all the feelings that bubbled to the surface because of them . It was late

afternoon and she was growing restless , thoughts of making her pain go away were not present , there

was no pain. Realization hit Bella like a brick, it was Friday there's a dace tonight .

After showering , doing her hair and spending an eternity picking out the perfect outfit , Bella was

finally ready .

"What will people think, after not showing up to school for a few days . How will they react to me

showing up at the dance ,?" Bella fought with herself before she finally decided to go . The drive to

school was shorter than usual , Bella could hear the music coming from the gym . All of her feeling and

emotions that had been held back all day stayed in check . Nervously, Bella stepped out of her car and

glanced around .The parking lot was empty so she still had the opportunity to turn around and get back

into her car and that's exactly what she was intending on doing . Bella spun around on her heels and

smacked into something that felt like a wall . Bella looked up into the eyes of Edward Cullen.

"Bella , I'm so glad you're here ." Edward said quietly

"Actually I was just leaving."

"Where have you been? Why weren't you in school? "Edwards's eyes burned into Bella's with such a

passion Bella felt like her legs were going to give out .

"Bella ? are you alright ?"

"I can't do this right now Edward I have to go." Bella tried without success to break free of Edwards

grasp.

"Bella what's wrong , you just got here you can't leave yet ." Edward let go of Bella's arm and attempted

to grab her hand Bella took the opportunity and bolted for her car . She shoved the key into the ignition

and slammed the car into drive , a chilly breeze filled the car as the passenger side door opened and

Alice climbed in.

"What the fuck, Alice how the hell did you manage that?"

"Don't ask just drive ." Alice stated. Bella obeyed and pealed out of the parking lot


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer , I do own Twilight .**

For how long we drove , I am not sure it seamed like an eternity .

No words were spoken, no comments were made .

We only stopped for gas , we didn't eat , we didn't sleep .

I was growing concerned for Alice her once topaz eyes were now pitch black ,

her usually relaxed state was beginning to seam forced.

She would space out for an endless amount of time and suddenly snap back

"Bella could you please pull over I need some air ".

Alice's words pulled me from my day dream and left me stunned for a moment .

"Are you feeling alright Alice , you don't look so good ."

" Bella please pull over for both our sakes ."

Alice's harsh voice caught me off guard I eased my Aston martin

to the side of the road before the car was stopped Alice was out .

She moved with such speed I couldn't understand how it was humanly possible .

She yelled for me to stay put and not move that she would be back

soon and ran into the forest .

My initial thought was that Alice needed to use the washroom , but

after waiting patiently for three hours I figured that wasn't the case .

I began to grow concerned and was considering going after her when ,

just as I was locking the car , Alice appeared from the tree line .

Her clothes were a slight messy and there was dirt on her face .

" Alice what the hell happened to you ?"

" I got lost , sorry ." her reply didn't make sense , you don't get lost

that easily , I was just about to protest when I was cut off

" So Isabella , are you ready to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you ?"

" Excuse me , I'm not the one who just got lost in the woods for three hours ."

I said with venom

" That's not the issue here Bella . "

" Well then please Alice , educate me , what is the fucking issue ?"

" Why weren't you in school the past three days Bella , why haven't you

called my brother . There is a whole list of topics we could address , but how

about we start with why you were buying drugs . "

Busted , how did she catch me , I don't understand .

I stared at Alice with disbelief and refused to even acknowledge the question .

" Well Bella are you just going to stand there or are you going to explain yourself ?"

What did she just say , explain myself .

I hardly know this girl and she is demanding I explain myself to her .

" Explain myself , excuse me but who the hell do you think you are ,

I don't have to explain anything to you .

You don't know me so I am sure as hell not explaining anything to you .

And as far as my spending habits you should just mind your own business . "

" The nerve of you to talk to me like that Isabella , I am your friend and

I am worried about you , We all are , especially Edward , he has fallen for you."

" Excuse me but my name is Bella and once again you don't know

me so you don't need to worry about me . "

I said as harsh as I could , the nerve of her to say that she cared ,

and what a joke the bi polar boy falling for me .

It was just a kiss it didn't mean anything , did it ?

" Bella you have a problem you need to get help "

Alice stated this with a tone of authority , it sent chills thought my whole body .

Something began to stir in me anger , sadness , all my senses were all of a

sudden over whelmed .

My head was spinning I felt like a wanted to puke ,

my whole world was spinning madly out of control ,

I was snapped out of delusion by a cold hand touching my face .

"Bella , are you alright ?"

I stared down at Alice Cullen and realized what I needed to do .

I pushed Alice's hand away and stepped back from her .

" I am a big girl Alice I can take care of myself , I don't need your fake pity ."

I spatted at her

" Bella , I just want to help you , we all care .. "

I cut Alice off .

"We ? "

" Excuse me Alice but you know nothing about me ,

you don't have any idea what I have been through ,

what I have had to deal with . I feel dead inside Alice ,

no one could ever understand what that's like .

My life has no purpose , just leave me alone .

I don't want your help I don't need it . "

I turned my back on Alice and walked away .

I got into my car ,slammed the key into the ignition and drove away .

I left Alice standing on the side of the road , god only knows where .

I never looked back , I never felt bad for leaving her there .

I felt nothing .

**Authors note , hey folks its going to take me a little while to get back into the swing of things but I am working on another chapter as of right now , it will be up within a couple of hours , continue to read and enjoy . Yours always , Penney **


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